Hello, Hello! I hope you are all doing well! So this is one post I have really been wanting to work on for a while now. A couple of weeks ago I posted a poll on what y’all wanted to hear about on Instagram. “What did y’all want to hear? Serving Others or Lessons About Heartbreak.” And what I have decided to do is to do both posts! So, spoiler alert, that will be the next blog post, and for this week I am going to give y’all some helpful tips to help y’all get through a heartbreak. This is something that I have gone through a few times and I know how painful it is. This is a type of pain that if not dealt with properly can really warp your views, not only on life, but future relationships. I know because I’ve been there. I know because I am having to really explore and find those areas of my heart that have been broken, stepped on, and walked over once more due to my decisions on how I decided to deal with the pain. I write to encourage you to not be like me. I write to help you, and give you real, applicable advice to help you move through these murky waters and into the place of healing. With that being said, I am praying for each and everyone of you, and I hope this helps. Please feel free to like, comment, and subscribe; also, if you have any other tips, please feel free to share them below. Without further ado, let’s dive on in!
So for this post, I have compiled a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help provide you with advice for how to get to where you want to be, but before I give you the list I want to caution you with this: advice isn’t useful unless it is put into practice. I could tell you, your pastor could tell you, your mother, father, best friend, we all could offer our opinions and try to help you, but ultimately it comes down to whether or not you want to move on and heal. I want you to know, I don’t say that to be harsh. I pray that you don’t misread the tone here (though it is so easy to do on the internet nowadays) I want you to know that I write that with love. If I could, I would physically grab you by the hand and utter these words I wish I had known just a few years ago. That is why I am writing this now, so that you may have some help and a leg up on me and undergo a lot less painful of a process of healing that I am going through now. I pray you’ll choose to do what’s best for you–whether in your case or not it is to move on. I hope this list helps.
- Allow Yourself to be Emotionally Open– Feel What You Feel
Whew. I am not going to lie, I struggle with that one. Whenever I had my first heartbreak, I was so worried about some other outside situations going on in my life that when this occurred, I forced myself to not deal with the emotional pain and hurt that had occurred. Don’t do that. I put up a front that everything in life was fine, but in all reality I felt like I was in one of those fun houses with the moving stairs. I was grabbing on to a railing, anything to provide some stability when in all reality the ground was moving in every direction underneath my feet. I couldn’t get a firm hold on the ground swaying, so I grabbed on to the easiest thing for me: Faking it. What I didn’t know however, was that by me not allowing myself to be vulnerable and let all of the hurt, rejection, pain, heartbreak and other stuff out, it ended up consuming me from the inside out. That shaky ground underneath me never got steadier… I just began to shake even more with it. I struggled (and still do struggle) with my ability to be a good partner for somebody. I have an insecurity there. There are days I wonder if I am ever going to be enough for someone to love, settle down with, and spend the rest of their life here with. And most of it stems from my mistake of closing myself off.
- Allow God the Room in Your Heart to Transform You into Who You Need to Be
This is crucial. This is something I wish I had done earlier as well. Everyone of us has room to grow. We as Christians, especially, know that part of being a disciple of Christ is to continue to grow to be more like Christ. When heartbreak happens, if you allow yourself to be open and allow God the room to change you, it will be for the ultimate betterment for you. Trust me in this. I’ve had to learn how to do this, and ultimately my love for God has grown, my confidence has gone up, and so many more blessings and doors have been open because of it!
- Embrace Your Single Season and Use it to Your Advantage
Honestly, this one is a lot easier said than done, When the wedding season comes around, when Valentine’s Day is here, when it seems everyone and their mother and their best friend’s dog is in a happy looking relationship, I get it. It’s hard. Like I said earlier, it is okay to feel lonely sometimes. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel those negative emotions, but it is unhealthy and not okay to sit in a whirlpool of self-pity. It is totally okay to rant to a friend, to rant to God about it all, but once you get it of your chest, don’t wallow there. Take five, ten, fifteen minutes, an hour or day, I don’t care how long it takes. Those who support you and love you won’t care. Just let it out, let it go, and keep moving forward. I want y’all to think about something for a sec, what if God is using this season to prepare you? What if you need to go on mission or need to serve your community? Get to know someone to help them grow in their faith? Get your career path on track, your own faith strengthened? There could be so many reasons why He has put that on hold for your life. And don’t get me wrong, you can do great things whilst in a relationship, but you don’t know what He has planned for your life. Being single can be a really great thing if you choose to see it that way, but you have to see it that way. Being in a relationship is great too, but it is not the end all be all. Also, I want to encourage you to love this season, even when it hurts. Relationships are beautiful things–amazing blessings–when you meet the right person, you just click, but there are times when they don’t work or you’re lonely. It’s painful. But can I tell you a secret? That makes the blessing so much sweeter. It is so true when people say that pain makes joy so much sweeter. It makes you appreciate it more. Think of your favorite song, in most cases it is about pain, right? The sorrow of the artist’s pain makes the song’s message and overall aesthetic that much more lovely. You get where I am going with this? It is all about perspective, and it is so crucial you use this season to your and the kingdom’s advantage. Have faith, young ones, we will all get there. I’m your biggest fan, and I am here to encourage you anyway I can.
- Brush Your Feelings Under a Rug
Going off of what I said on the first bullet of the Do’s, don’t just allow all of your emotions to be stuffed down deep in your soul. Eventually they will have to come out, and when they do you’ll explode. You know what happens when things explode? It gets messy. Real messy. And it will be ten times harder to clean it all up, rather than dealing with them head on. (Can you tell I am speaking from experience here?) I want to challenge you to really be conscious of it too. If you begin to think, “I’ll deal with this later,” or “it’s not that big of a deal” or (here’s a big one) “I’m fine,” chances are you aren’t fine, it is a big deal, and you won’t deal with it later. Face it head on. Allow yourself time to feel pissed, disgruntled, etc. Allow yourself time to grieve. If it was a relationship, you were close to someone for a long time, and you inevitably get attached. It is okay to miss them. It is okay to miss what could’ve been. It is okay; it’s not weakness. It’s brave to face these hard times head on. It’s brave to face this with God on your side and move on. It’s necessary to continue living healthy lives. Don’t you dare allow anyone to tell you differently. We aren’t made to be strong all of the time. We aren’t made to be robots that don’t feel any pain. We are human. We have emotions. And we were designed this way. Don’t you dare allow anyone to tell you differently.
- Be so Consumed With a Relationship Status That it Defines You
Okay. I’ll be honest. I’ve done this. A lot. You have to remember that you are a beautiful creation. Created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), and the only one that gets to define you is Him. So many will try to, but you don’t have to listen. Your grandmothers and aunts will still ask those questions, but you don’t have to let them effect you. Just brush them off, and say “I’m waiting for someone special” because you are! Whoever God has for you will be worth the wait. I believe it. I trust this, I know this. I personally haven’t experienced meeting my forever person yet (trust me, when it happens, you’ll know–it’ll be a prayer answered, praising God post believe me) but I know I am supposed to love someone, I know someone is going to love me like Jesus does, and I know it will all workout in the end. But for now? I’m taking it one day at a time. I’ll be honest, some days I handle it better than most. But recently, I’ve really been struggling with my relationship status, and I say that to say: I don’t have it all together. I am not some saint. I’m just like you. I understand. Let me just reach out and take you by the hand and say “It’s okay. I understand. You are not alone.” We will get through this together.
- Romanticize Relationships
Ouch. Okay so I am basically throwing shade at myself this entire blog post (It’s fine. We are fine. Everything is totally fine.) Sarcasm aside, I really mean this. To romanticize is to, “deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is” (Google). Relationships are amazing. Relationships are work. They are beautiful, and with the right person the work is worth it, but they aren’t the end all. They aren’t what makes the world go round. They can’t be what consumes you. Coming from a hopeless romantic, it is soooooo easy to do. But really be conscious of your thought to try to prevent this.
- Try to Play God
All I have to say is this: if you have to force it and try to make something work, there’s a good chance it ain’t gonna work out. Believe me, you’ll ultimately lose in the end. I’ve lost people dear to me because of this, and trust me, you don’t want to go down that road.
- Finally, Don’t Be Afraid
I’ve had my heart shattered, crushed, and completely broken in ways I could never have imagined. It seems I had to do everything wrong before I finally did things right. I inevitably built up walls so high that for the longest time I refused to even think of letting anyone back in again. I didn’t want to fall in love because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting hurt again, and I could not handle another heartbreak without going to the deep end. It’s true. Falling in love for the longest time meant getting broken, and God really had to break down my walls for me to see how untrue that was. Please don’t be like me. Please. It is such a false reality, and it will so hurt you. Be vulnerable. Pray your heart out. Believe that relationships and being vulnerable is okay, and wonderful. Trust me. I am still working through this. I still to a certain extent want to run from love and not let anyone in. It is a daily process, but don’t let anything I do or don’t do/ say or don’t say interfere with your healing process. God wants you to be healed. Whether in this life or the next, He came to heal, never doubt that. He wants you to have life in abundance, and He wants you to lean on Him, trust Him, and rely solely on Him. Relationships are meant to reflect the love He has for us; therefore, we should love Him more so we can best love others–especially our significant others.
Well, that’s it. Those are my Do’s and Don’ts for dealing with heartbreak. I know I really discussed heartbreak from a romantic relationship standpoint, but this can apply to other areas as well. Always remember to pray through it all, and know God has your back. He may give you more than you can handle at times, but inevitably it is because He wants you to fully trust and lean on Him. It all will be okay, and it all will work out. God once told me in a quiet time this, and I am going to tell you, “Have Faith, Dear Child.”
I love you all so so much, I pray you all have amazing weeks. Please tell me your thoughts, like, comment, and subscribe below (if reading on mobile–if not, click the button on the Home Page. Also, I have posted my Instagrams for both the blog and my personal if you would like to follow below. Thank you all for reading.
God Bless and Much Love,