Hello Hello, Beautiful People! I hope you’re all doing well! So, I know in quite a few pieces of writings, I had a more serious tone, but I want to forewarn you guys now, I promise I am not that serious all the time. If any of y’all were to meet me in person, I am by far the goofiest and most lighthearted person you’ll ever meet. I love a good laugh, I love to joke around, and I try daily to never take this life as seriously as possible. Now don’t get me wrong, there are things in this life that I do take seriously, my faith for example is very important to me, but I am a firm believer that this life is far too short for us to ever waste it away standing on the sidelines instead of taking a stand or dancing like a fool (@myself during the weddings I went to this past summer); you see, I am a firm believer that this life is too short for us to worry about what others think or worry so much about making mistakes that you forget to live. And that is what I want to talk to y’all about today. The person I am today used to be the person that stood on the sidelines, who chose to sit rather than enjoy myself, rather than relax and have a good time. Now I am not talking about choosing to do sex, drugs, and rock and roll type of things, but during the little every day moments, I used to ulcerate about the “what if’s” and the “who’s watching” that I forgot how to live and enjoy life’s little moments. That’s how I used to be not who I am now, so if you’re willing, please sit back, relax, and allow me to tell you a story.
So, back in my prime (totally kidding) my sophomore year of high school was the year I got saved. As I mentioned in the last post, I was insecure, depressed and well… a broken mess. When I was younger, I was always conscious of my looks—the presence of myself. I was raised to always look your best and make yourself look presentable, yet when I was younger I morphed that concept into a monster that it never was intended to be. You see, my parents have always wanted me to be comfortable in my own skin—to know I am beautiful inside and out—but my little head back in middle school got the idea twisted, and I began to compare myself to other girls and measure myself up to them in ways and to standards ways no little girl should ever worry about. I noticed every little flaw on me and instead of embracing them and acknowledging that we all have them, I began to tear myself down because of them.
A little bit more recently, I’ve been really struggling with my writing ability. I have always enjoyed writing, and honestly, every single word I’ve written for this blog as well as the one I own, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. This is something that is very personal and something I know God has called me to do, but here’s the thing: you know that comparison thing I was telling you about above? Ya girl is still struggling with it now, but instead of my looks it’s more so with my writing. The way I write—with my tone, the content, my faith, etc.—is in a way where I try to be brutally honest and real with people to show people Jesus, not Hannah. The way I write requires me to be vulnerable in a day and age where being vulnerable is viewed as a weakness. The way I write requires me to open up about my struggles and show the more imperfect parts that I try to hide away. The way I write requires me to dive deep into God’s word and to allow Him to give me strength in ways I had no idea I needed. Because opening up to people is something I really struggle with, the enemy knows right where to hit me, and hit me hard.
I struggle with comparison. I struggle with believing and trusting that what I am doing is right and effective and just. He doesn’t like the fact at all that I write the way I do… that I am as honest as I am, that I speak the Word the way I do, that I allow myself to be transparent to allow God’s light to shine through me. He doesn’t like that I’m lifting my voice and praising the one above now, so he plucks the strings that really hurt. He wants to place rocks in my path that will make me stumble, that make me question—even for a moment—if what I am doing is right or effective or (honestly) if it is even good enough to get something done. This is a daily struggle for me. I must choose every single day to trust God’s word and not allow the enemy to sweet talk me to stumble. And honestly, it scares me. It’s scary to me how quickly I believe his lies and how easily I fall into the trap, but then I’m reminded: it has never been about me. It’s always been about Him, that He’s always has the true victory, and quite frankly if I’m being picked on this much, I must be doing something right.
There’s one Scripture that I absolutely love and it is Psalm 103:14 and it states: “14For He knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust,” and this is such a beautiful reminder to me because it’s a reminder that He knows who I am—someone made from dust. I am easily bruised. I am easily tempted and yet He loves me anyway. You see, when I remember this as well as Philippians 4: 13, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength,” it serves as a beautiful reminder that He is the one I’m doing this for and He is the one giving me the strength, the words, and the topics to write about. And, through Him and His armor, I can withstand and fight the attacks (Ephesians 6: 10-17
So, as I close out I want to encourage y’all. I know I touched briefly on insecurities here and I want y’all to know that y’all are not alone. I have them, we all have them, and it is okay. God loves you and me just the way we are, and He will never stop. He accepts us for who we are, and He uses our abilities and our fragile bodies to do glorious works—all we got to do is trust in Him and allow Him to work through us. All we have to do is throw pride aside (another thing for me) and remember that we are but dust that He breathed life into and sent His son to die for all those years ago, and when we do that: It is beautiful to see Him move, and that my friends, is amazing.
I hope you all have a fantastic week, and I am praying for each and every one of y’all! God bless and know that He is for you. And as I close out I pray that you guys as well will pray for me as well as my co-bloggers, so that we may, “that whenever [we] open [our] mouth[s], divine utterance may be given [us], so that [we] will boldly make known the mystery of the gospel… Pray that [we] may proclaim it fearlessly, as [we] should (Ephesians 6: 19-20).
(PS: ANNOUNCEMENT TIME: 1. Okay so, I apologize now for being so absent. Recently, I’ve felt like I needed to take a temporary break from writing and really focus on loving those around me more. Due to some recent and unfortunate events, I felt as if I needed to reach out to my friends and family, hug their necks, and tell them how much I truly care for them; now I am back and better than ever, and I will be posting every Monday or every other Monday depending on school.
2. I have been asked to write on a team blog called Explore Your Call for the state of Arkansas Baptist State Convention. I now have two posts up, and to say I’m not stoked is an understatement. I love you all to pieces, and I can’t wait to talk to y’all again soon!)