Hello Hello Beautiful People! I hope you all are doing well! I first off want to apologize for not posting on Monday. I will explain why later on in this post, but I just want you guys to know that I am praying for y’all daily and I love all of you guys so so much!
So I will be honest here, Monday morning rolled around and I knew that I needed to write. I knew I needed to post, and yet I physically and mentally and emotionally couldn’t find the words nor could I physically bring my self to type more than two words because I was hurting so bad.
A Crucial Note: I am now okay, and what I am going to say in the following paragraphs is not said out of hate, bitterness, anger, hurt, or any other negative emotion. All of what I am writing about is solely my reactions and one-sided opinions to an event that occurred in my life; therefore take my words and read them carefully. I do not wish any ill thing on the following person nor their family. It is SOLELY through the grace and healing and peace Jesus Christ brings that I am able to sit here and begin to write again today.
With that being said, I wish grace and peace to all, and let’s continue on!
So as I was saying, come Monday morning I was so emotionally distraught and wounded that I couldn’t even bring myself to write.
Allow me to explain why. So before I was a college student, before I was a colligate athlete, before I became the person I am today, and before I even started writing seriously, I was simply a high-school girl that was just saved by Jesus. I was just really beginning to take serious my quiet-times and Bible studies when I met the lady that became my mentor.
This lady was absolutely wonderful. And she was so passionate and strong, not only in her faith, but her character as well, that I wanted to be just like her. One night after a Bible study, I had asked her if she would like to meet up and begin meeting one-on-one. And shortly thereafter this meeting, she began to teach me how to Bible Journal.
(Side Note: If you do not know what that is, it is a way for you to break down Scripture, study it, as well as learn how to listen to what God is telling you. I’ve been doing it consistently for about a year now, and it is truly amazing to see how I have been able to grow closer to God because of it.)
So throughout my senior year of high school, we met on a pretty regular basis. When summer came around, we met basically every week until I left for school. We were really close, and when I left for school I was really sad that I wasn’t going to be able to spend as much time with her.
******* I’m going to flash forward into time a little bit, please hang on*********
It was back in November of 2017 that I had the idea to create a blog. I had prayed about it, and I knew that God had been calling me to speak and write; therefore, it seemed like the timing of everything was beginning to fall into place. For the next three months, I was undergoing the preparation I needed for me to begin to speak, create the website, figure out my target audience, the title (which was the HARDEST PART, so shout out to Jesus and Cory Asbury for that one; ya girl was struggling.), and other things. Whenever it all finally came together in full, y’all I’m not gonna lie I was so stoked, proud, and excited it wasn’t even funny. This thing is legit like my baby, and I am so humbled to see how God was using little ole me to help positively impact other people’s lives. This all has been amazing and I am so very truly humbled and blessed to be in the position I am in.
Allow me to fast forward to last week, so I have been home from school about a month now, and I had yet to be able meet with my mentor in person, so when we were finally able to meet last week I was pretty nervous and excited to tell her about the blog. We chitchatted about life, school, softball, etc. for a bit, and when the moment finally came to open up about the blog, I could feel the excitement and the passion about merely talking about it rising up in my chest. And yet, her response to my material left me angry, hurt, devastated, and feeling rejected beyond belief.
When the moment finally came, I told her that I had started up a blog and her response was, “Oh yea, I read some of it.” That was it.
You see, from my perspective I was so hoping that she was proud of me. She was my mentor, and I was so hoping she was loving every single thing I was doing for Jesus that I know in my heart Jesus is calling me to do, and yet it didn’t happen. I put on a brave face and I hid my pain away, but when I reached my car I could feel the angry, hurt tears welling up in my eyes.
And I could hear the lies the enemy loves to spew begin to scream.
I could hear him say:
“You really thought you could do this, huh?”
“You really think you could make an impact?
“You really believe that God is convicting you to do this? Look at you, look at her, look at her response, and tell me that you don’t believe for a second that God actually wanted you to do this.”
And you know what, I would love to say that I was strong enough, that I didn’t listen, that I told him to leave me alone or screw off in Christian terms, but I didn’t. And even though I felt that overwhelming sense of peace that God was with me, I still listened and I allowed him and that one small instance in our overall pleasant conversation so eat me alive mentally and emotionally until this past Tuesday.
I felt like giving up.
And when I in full let it go and allowed Him to heal me, that is when I got the strength to write again.
So guys, I encourage y’all if y’all are being discouraged and beat down by the enemy there is hope. If the enemy is screaming at you to give up, don’t give in just give it all to Jesus. He loves you, He will heal you, and He will give you all the strength you need to keep working.
Before our time here is done there are a few verses I would like to discuss with y’all and what they have meant to me this past week.
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing. ( 1st Corinthians 13: 1-3)
This verse is one that is very near and dear to the heart. In one of my favorite songs. “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country, they speak it in the middle of the song. It is very special for it is the cry of my heart that I so hope that people can see my life, and hear these words and know that it is Jesus’ love that I can do this. And this past week, it was a reminder that love, Jesus’ love is the force driving this blog and my purpose, not the approval of people.
10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1: 10)
This verse is actually the first ever verse I memorized after rededicating my life to Christ in high school. I have always been one to be known as a “people-pleaser,” and very early on I struggled with this and living out my faith. This verse helped me really put things into perspective and kick everything into high gear.
Trials and Temptations
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1: 2-5)
This was one I heard in church last Sunday, and I have loved it ever since. For me, it serves as a reminder that even though I was struggling and being tested about my faith in Jesus’ calling for my life, this produces perseverance. And though I still have no idea why she (from my perspective) seemed like she didn’t like my blog or anything like that, I have become more mature and complete because of it.
And that my friends in amazing.
I love you all bunches, and I am so blessed and humbled that you read my blog. Have a great week and keep fighting for, pursuing, and loving Him. Have a great week and God bless!